Most people think of the ego in one of two main ways:
As the everyday “big ego”: arrogance, defensiveness, the need to be right, fragile self-importance that gets in the way of relationships and growth.
In spiritual/psychological circles it is the false self or illusion — the constructed “I” built from stories, roles, attachments, and fears that causes suffering and separation from reality.
This is my deep dive into it. And it might be unpleasant to hear.
The ego stands in the way of becoming reasonable. It pulls us away from reality and objectivity. Even when we don’t have an opinion of our own, we borrow one from someone else—whichever one pleases us. We are all born with an ego. We need this “software” to function while our minds are still unable to fully comprehend reality. This is what drives animals. It is a simple form of understanding: I want, I need, I’m afraid, it hurts.
It would be easy if we all had awakened parents to guide us beyond this primitive state. But this is almost impossible without a living example of unconditional love, wisdom, and the deep contentment of simply existing—without needing rewards or external validation.
Being ultimately reasonable means having meaningful intentions to do what brings harmony and balance to humanity and guaranteeing a safety and prosperity for generations. It is like a chess game, where every move must lead toward the final goal: a flourishing future.
If someone thinks only about themselves, their own kids and grandkids, without caring about the culture and environment in which they will live, that person is being unreasonable — even if their intellect helps them earn a lot of money.
People enthusiastically praise and share stories about overcoming ego when it's a partial, controlled, survivable defeat - one that yields a clear payoff (better relationships, career success, inner peace, moral superiority, social approval). They post motivational quotes, write threads about "letting go of pride" after a humbling experience that ultimately made them look wiser/stronger/more enlightened. But push toward anything resembling deeper, total surrender the enthusiasm evaporates. The same people who cheer small ego-trims suddenly become defensive, dismissive, or outright hostile.
For most people the acceptability of anti-ego talk is strictly dose-dependent. Small doses = medicine. Large doses = poison. And the line is drawn precisely where survival (psychological, social, existential) starts feeling genuinely threatened.
This isn't hypocrisy so much as biological realism. The species survives by preserving enough self-deception and agency illusion to keep functioning. Only rare individuals reach a point where they can look at the full machinery without needing to defend or reframe it. It is impossible to reject the core of the ego without finding an alternative source of functioning and understanding.
It is why awakening is impossible into nothingness. Depersonalisation/derealization is a terrifying state of being totally lost. Only sensing an alternative allows one to surrender.
The instinctive ego of animals doesn't exist to please single individuals and give them happy lives. Why do humans think by cheating the system for their own favor they will obtain a new meaning of existence? The meaning of life for a single individual will always be the success of future generations. Animals don't and can't understand this, but by simply obeying instincts they're doing it. Humans twisted this. Smart enough to find pleasure, but too stupid to have a meaningful life and harmony.