This is a sensitive topic - painful for me.
Here's the story. I stopped at a Fred Meyer store to use the restroom. I noticed a beggar with two kids (maybe 7 and 9 years old) holding a cardboard sign that read: “Need help to buy gas, diapers, food, and rent. Jesus loves you.” At that moment, I wasn't aware that I needed to help; reason didn't tell me to do it. I returned to my car and drove away. Soon afterward, I felt like I should have given him money. Later, I felt I must give him money - shame and guilt washed over me. I pictured myself and my kids in his situation.
But here's the thing: I don’t follow feelings, desires, or emotions. I rarely experience them, but in this case, I thought about it, and then I started to feel. My reason didn't tell me to act. I felt a strong pull to help and imagined the relief and pride it would bring as a reward. I ignored it. I hate being pulled like that, no matter whether the feelings are positive or negative. I want to do what is meaningful and right—what eliminates the roots of the problem—not what simply makes me feel better.
I got a ride (I'm a Lyft/Uber driver) and decided to come back if God wanted me to talk to that man. I finished two rides and ended up near the same location again. I parked my car and walked toward him with understanding. If I found it meaningful to help, I was prepared to give up to $100.
I asked a few questions. He lied about his origin at first, but after realizing I wasn't buying it, he told the truth (or something closer to it). He is a Gypsy from Romania, here in the US for about two years. He moved to Seattle with his wife and three kids and wants to go back to Texas. He occasionally works illegally as a construction laborer, picked up from Home Depot (though I doubt it). When I asked why his kids weren't in school, he said it was because they were enrolled in school in Texas. He hasn't lost a job; he simply doesn't want to change anything in his life. He uses his kids as amplifiers and is teaching them to become professional beggars.
I didn't ask why he moved from Romania in the first place or how he managed it. In the end, I didn't find it meaningful to contribute to this lifestyle. I didn't hate him - it’s his choice, and it’s illusory. His way of life is no more and no less illusory than that of most other people; his culture, available options, and the examples set by his elders simply shaped his particular perspective on life. He said that people give him money and food, and he gets what he expects.
Being aware of homelessness pains me deeply. It hurts not through emotions but through my understanding of how difficult it is to truly fix. The system creates these situations, and human nature often reacts irrationally. I'm not saying the homeless are solely responsible for their fate. But feelings compel you to help when you see suffering; if you don't see it, you don't feel the pain. You can just turn your head away.
And what can you really offer? Money to buy drugs? I have a deep desire to help. But if I try to help a single homeless person, I want to make sure they get a roof, food, a job, freedom from addictions, psychological restructuring, perhaps education, new friends, healthy relationships, and integration into “normal” society. I can't provide all that, and as I once tested, most homeless people reject this kind of help. I talked to a homeless passenger about how I overcame my own (not drugs, but still) addictions. He wasn't interested; when we arrived, he immediately rejoined his friends, started laughing, enjoying those relationships. He just politely listened and probably forgot everything I said.
Even if Elon Musk bought everyone a house, they would still need jobs and help fixing behavioral problems. If he or the government paid their bills and bought them food and goods, it wouldn't address the root causes - more people would simply join the waiting list for “free everything.” And there's no free money, free love, free roof, free pleasure, or joy in God's design without “heart and mind replacement therapy.” People must help each other; it won't come as magic from heaven.
I thank the people and organizations that provide food, shelter, and clothing for vulnerable people. It keeps the system functioning, but humanity needs more. God guides me to deliver His message, and I'm doing the maximum I can to be worthy - to understand, carry, and spread His word. To show people that to be sinless is nothing special and to be reasonable is more natural than what we have.
I used to cry a lot. Now I don't feel the bad things in the same way; I'm simply aware of them because I stopped crying. My soul used to cry helplessly, seeking to ease the pain. I'm not part of this good-evil system; I don’t need relief to feel good. I am aware of the problems and focus on being ready to represent God as soon as possible.
I used to argue with God a lot - about suffering, unfairness, helplessness, and missing features in His design, like superpowers for righteous people to protect themselves (I thought that would encourage people to side with God and be safe). But that doesn't exist in reality. I now accept what is available: reason and its/His virtues- wisdom, meaningful love, acceptance of reality, peace, and calm joy.
We need to recreate ourselves - to become co-creators with God.